Leelanau Whippersnapper

Alright, I really should be sleeping right now but I got working on this little video project just to play around with my software and I ended up creating a cute little video about Gavin and I’ve uploaded it to You Tube so you call can marvel at my technological prowess.  I’m not quite sure the music works but oh well.  This is only the first.  I’ve got a ton of short video clips that I’ve taken with my digital cameras over the years.  I’m sure that I’ll create more of these…of course I can also do photo sideshows too, lord knows I have plenty of pictures I can play with.  Enjoy!

Tomorrow (Saturday) I get to wake up at 4am due to my inability to be an asshole to my team members.  It’s a holiday weekend.  NOBODY wants to work but you know, we retail slaves are open for business JUST FOR YOU on a holiday so you can stain your fucking deck [incorrectly].  Well since I had nobody else to work, I took the early shift where I will have the pleasure of stocking shelves for 2 hours in the morning before the store opens.  At least I won’t have to stick around once the doors open.  I hate Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends up here.  The lunatics REALLY come out of the woodwork around here.  Had a guy spill a full gallon of stain all over the floor and then literally run away leaving foot prints all the way across the store to the exit doors.  Spills happen folks, don’t embarrass yourself any more by running away, how about if I give you a FUCKING paper towel?  No?  I guess not.  Enough about work.

I’ve received all my bills now for my new place except for my water bill (I suspect that is a quarterly bill here).  Looks like Gas and Electric combined will be under $65 a month.  My cable (which STILL is not working right) and internet will be my most expensive bills.  I’ll take it, I use those two utilities more than any of the other ones.  So, it looks like when I add up ALL my bills (debts, utilities, rent, gas money, food, and random shit) I can live for less than what I was paying just in rent before.  I might even be able to get that retirement account going this year…I need a few months though to make sure I have a reliable percentage I can sacrifice each week.  Just having arrived to a point in my life where I am not living paycheck to paycheck, I’d like to actually enjoy it for a minute.

The pets are adjusting fine to the new condo.  I do have to separate them however when I leave for the day.  It seems that Gavin is just too dam smart for his own good.  2 baby gates and a door he could never slide through has not been enough to keep him out of the cat food.  Fortunately, my condo is set up nicely so that I can separate the cats in the back and dog in the front and everyone has all kinds of room to sleep all day long.  Like the pets, I am really liking it here.  I still have a ton of unpacking and sorting to do but I am taking my time now since everything I really need is in its place, now it’s just the little shit I have to find places for.  Soon it will be time to start thinking about decorating for Christmas (yes, my retail mind thinks Christmas starts in September).  I’m looking forward to seeing what I can do.

OK, well off to bed now so I can actually get out of bed in the morning. Here is a picture of a VERY tired Gavin on the last day of my “residency” in Leelanau.  We just finished playing fetch.

I hate Sunday’s.  If only I could attribute peoples basic lack of intelligence to bushels of straw in their heads.  I should explain.  Working in retail, you tend to pick up on human behavior pretty well.  I see hundreds of people every day of the week from all walks of life and from all social and economic backgrounds.  I’d venture to say that people who don’t work in retail have very little exposure to this many people in a given week, certainly, most people don’t venture past their desk’s or their front doors.  At work I am forced to be social.  It is my job to put my self in front of people every day and try to sell them something.  I get paid to do this but believe me, if I had a choice, there are just SO many people I would rather just punch in the face and ask them how on earth they managed to get their underwear on.

“Do I really need to follow these directions?”, said the man wearing the wife-beater T-shirt with 4 kids in tow.  “Does this color go with mauve?” said the young blond who clearly had no idea what ‘mauve’ is.  “Why doesn’t anyone work here?” said the 60 year old man who could clearly see the line in front of him and the 5 employees scurrying to help 2 and 3 people at a time, oblivious to the fact that he was NOT the most important person in the area.

I’ve reached many conclusions about the general human condition as I’ve worked retail jobs over the years.  One is that nobody is more important than himself.  Many people simply can not deal with a multi-tasking employee and many people need dedicated one-on-one attention.  This is due in large part to pure laziness.  “You know if you had read the directions on the can of paint and applied it properly you would not be here asking me why your paint didn’t stick to the wall”…[fucking dipshit].  “Well, you didn’t tell me that when I bought it!” Why the hell should I have to TELL you anything EVERYTHING you need to know is printed RIGHT HERE on the can!! - you are not building a FUCKING NUCLEAR SUBMARINE HERE!

Now, don’t get me wrong here, I like nothing more than talking with a customer who is truly interested in doing the job they want to do correctly.  I will take all the time they need to expalin how something works, how to do the job, what tools they will need etc.  That is part of my job.  If you listen to me do this however you will see the salesman.  Every other sentence I will drop disclaimers and clauses designed on purpose to protect ME from people’s desire to blame EVERYONE but themselves when something goes wrong.  “This is how you put on the driveway sealer, look right here on the can, THE MANUFACTURER recommends that you…”  A good salesman will sell you the product, back up the product through qualified statements from the manufacturer of the proeuct they are selling, but put the onus for completeing the job correctly squarely on the customer.  We sell it, YOU do it.  That is why it is called a do-it-YOURESELF home center.

I try to keep work out of this blog but since I have nothing else to talk about most of the time you get to read about all the people in the world who are simply too lazy to bother reading or following directions.  MEN are far worse than women and kids…well, I guess spilling paint all over the new living room rug will teach them to PUT THE LID BACK ON THE CAN before starting the wrestling match.

Folks, it’s really very simple.  Manufacturers put directions, and warnings, and disclaimers ON the packages of the products they produce to not only HELP you do the job right but also to protect themselves (and me) from your PATHETIC inability to think about what you are doing before you do it!  Those of us working in retail can tell within 30 seconds of talking to you whether or not you will give us a problem in the future.  We KNOW almost immediately which of you actually reads directions and who does their homework before starting a do-it-yourself project.  We know that many of you need to be spoon fed the most basic information…how some of you can even wipe your own ass is a mystery much of the time.

So, I hate Sunday’s becuase I hate people who don’t think before they speak.  If you are too lazy to read directions and then follow them, dam it, hire a fucking contractor to do the job for you.  Lord knows they need the work.

Tomorrow at 5:30pm will mark the end of an era for me (and Jirar).  The final walk-through at the old house is scheduled to take place tomorrow with the landlord and after that, I will no longer live in Leelanau.  It’s amazing to think of the reasons we moved up here.  4 years ago we were both so dis-satisfied with living in Grand Rapids, we made a very bold move up to Leelanau.  I quit my job, Jirar transferred his job and we started a new life out in the country with 2 cats and a dog and about 2 acres of (looking back) unmanageable land.  We had a plan we kept telling ourselves.  Get settled, buy a house, start a business.  The coffee geeks we were, we figured that in 4 to 5 years we would be able to learn enough and save enough to start a coffee house somewhere in Leelanau.

Things do indeed change, sometimes good, sometimes not so good.  After landing a job with Menards I quickly found out that I could indeed make a good living selling shit to rednecks.  I also had a knack for managing people.  So after a year of proving myself, I became a manager which sunk me even further into the retail culture that grabs hold of you with easy work for good money and doesn’t let go easily.  Jirar on the other hand was dreaming of cities and airplanes.  We both knew going into it that we would never stay in this region forever.  We are both city boys at heart and while it is good to get away from all that shit, after awhile of having to plan a 45 minute drive just to go to the grocery store or get fast food it starts to wear on you a bit.  It costs a fortune too.

The coffee shop dream hasn’t died for me yet…maybe for Jirar but someday, I do still intend to have my own business.  I’ve learned a lot in 4 years of working serious a retail job.  Running a multi-million dollar sales department for a multi-billion dollar company has taught me extraordinary lessons about business in general.  It would not be impossible for me at any given point to drop it and start my own thing….were it not for the money I make selling shit to rednecks.

So, now we move on.  Jirar no longer has any physical ties to Leelanau, or to me, he has gone off to discover himself in a new city, with a new job.  I have finally gained some of my independence back but I miss terribly the companionship of my ‘marriage’ to Jirar.  We will both move on to discover new things, we will both meet new people and go new places.  Each of us will always know of each other, the advantage of leaving on good terms is that anywhere we are in the world, I know I can call up a person who knows every intimate detail about me and that person will listen and understand me.  Marriages do end (about 65% of the time in the US) but solid friendships apart from the intimacy can last a life time.  As I move on in my life, I’m thankful for the support I’ve been given and that I continue to get from my family and friends and I know Jirar is thankful for the support he gets from his family and friends.

We all want good things to last forever but each of us knows that change is an inevitable function of time.  So here is a cheer for change, may it bring new adventures and new people into the lives of those who experience it.

The picture above was taken from my back deck in Leelanau at sunset about a year ago in the late fall.  I’m saddened that I won’t have the every-day opportunity to capture pictures like this but never fear, Leelanau is only a 30 minute drive out to the parents house.  No reason anyone should expect a decline in my photos.

Look for an increase in blogging as we move into fall.  I have a good 2 weeks yet of unpacking and settleing in.  Fucking Charter Cable has to come out here AGAIN and try to install my cable box correctly this time.  It never ends with the dam cable company.  If it were not for the fast internet, I’d never even bother.  Oh well.  Life goes on.

Well tonight was the big move for KD and Pooh.  It did not go well.  I went over to the parents house to see Brian, Sarah and Christopher (picture below) and after that I had the arduous task of moving the cats from the old place to the new one.  God I hate moving cats.  KD was easy, she went in her cage but cried for the entire hour trip back.  Pooh on the other hand got wise pretty quick and I had to chase him all over the house to catch him.  Almost immediately after we got underway, he shit in the cage, moments later, he threw up.  He does not deal with change very well although now he is actually exploring the new place a bit.  KD doesn’t seem to care much but doesn’t look very good in general.  She needs to gain weight.  Poor Gavin was stuck in the front seat, his head stuck out the window for lack of any breathable air in the car.  Just as a dog would, he has no concept of why it was so difficult to go from one place to another.

So now they are moved, hopefully they know where the litter box is and where the food is.  This is a trial run for those of you who have been following.  If KD’s health does not improve and if Pooh does not start using his litter box, steps will be taken to put them out for adoption.  As much as they are my children, they are still indeed PETS (not kids).  I am in no financial position to sink hundreds of dollars into trying to cure whatever it is that ails KD, nor am I about to fork over hundreds of dollars to replace carpet and wallpaper in a rental because my pets destroyed it.  It just ain’t gonna happen folks.  Call me uncaring, cruel or whatever, they are pets NOT people, I will love them if they can all be successful and adapt to a domestic lifestyle for which they have been bread over millions of years.  If not, they will have to go.

I got to meet Christopher tonight for the first time.  He’s adorable, funny, and quite small (well normal for 4 weeks old but small to me).  Been a LONG time since I held a baby, can’t honestly say I’d want to do it 24/7 (don’t worry Sarah and Brian, eventually he’ll stop asking you for food every 2 hours) but it is kind of special to have a new person in the family.  It will be fun to watch him grow up.

Well, now I have to go pick the poop out of Pooh’s fur.  Wish me luck.

Well it’s been a dam long time since I’ve written on this blog.  Finally after 2 weeks, I have an internet connection back and I’m pretty much moved into my new place in town.  My vacation from work starts this Friday afternoon (Lord I can’t wait) and all I have yet now to do is get the old place cleaned up and presentable which will involve cleaning the carpets and painting some of the walls.  I expect Jirar and I can make a quick job out of it and be done.  Once it’s finished, it will truly mark the start of a new life for me, Jirar and I will have nothing other than our pets tying us together any longer.  A bit sad but life does indeed go on.  I still miss him quite a bit and quite often but we are both moving on with our lives in positive ways and we are and will likely always be on good terms with each other.  Some feelings never go away for people you’ve spent a great deal of time with in your life.  They are always a part of it in some way.

So Charter Communications (my new internet and cable TV provider) can never do anything right.  I had problems with them in Leelanau, why would I ever think I would not have any in Traverse City?  I signed up for basic expanded cable service which comes with a cable box to take advantage of “on demand” programing.  Well the box was dead on arrival and the contractor who installed it didn’t have another one.  So, not only do I once again not have all of what I am paying for, I have to actually go down to Charter and swap out the box!  On top of that, he never gave me a “user name” for my internet account so I can’t set up my email with charter.  Doesn’t really matter though since I’m using Gmail as my email from now on.  It’s just easier to have a web based email that I can take with me wherever I go.  Oh well, I expect nothing less from monopolies like Charter.  Just fucking sucks that I have to fix the problem.  I will say that the connection speed is amazing.  I am getting a 5mbs download speed now, compare that with a 256kbs speed that I was getting with DSL.  To put that in perspective, a 20mb file now takes just about 8 seconds to download where as before it would have taken about 3 minutes.  Both are MUCH faster than dial up but dam, I am paying less for this than I was for DSL and I get better speed.  Speed is what it’s all about now with the internet.  Video, streaming media, music, and all that shit is worthless if you can’t download it quickly.  At least in my eyes, the internet is pretty much worthless if you have dial up.  It just doesn’t cut it.

Gavin is adjusting well to the new house.  He still barks every now and then but I can’t blame him.  I’ve moved from the middle of nowhere to a condo that is pretty densely populated and I’m right near the airport.  There are lots of new sounds that he is getting used to.  All in all though it has been a good transition.  I’ve not moved the cats yet, we’ll have to see what happens with them.  That will happen this weekend.

So now it’s off to bed in my nice air conditioned condo.  Hope everyone is doing well.