Birthday Boy
OK, hardly a boy. Today I am 34 years old and this past year has brought on some pretty major changes in my life. Some are good changes. I am starting to become financially solvent. I no longer have to live from paycheck to paycheck praying that I will just have enough money available to pay the rent. This year I really came into my own at work. I’ve been a “manager” for the better part of 3 years but this is really the first year that I feel like I have accomplished the goals that my company lays out for me each year. I also feel that I have gained the long term respect and trust from my employees that I need in order to continue that success. People tend to listen to me and take me seriously and for someone with my disposition (pretty much a pushover) that is a nice accomplishment.
Good things are always off-set with some bad things. This is the first birthday in at least 10 years where I have truly been alone. Let me define that. I do not mean that I feel abandoned becuase I certianly do appreciate and love the fact that my family, both immediate and extended, has been there for me this past year. What I mean is that I’ve had to make decisions this year on my own that for the previous 10 years I have not had to do. The end of my relationship with Jirar was and really still is a big deal for me. Again, I don’t want to give anyone reading this the impression that I’m at all unstable becuase I’m not but I’ve had to deal with this loss surrounded by people who are in healthy and strong relationships. I miss having that stability, I miss coming home from work at night and having someone else there to talk to, I miss being able to define my life as “we” rather than “me”. Traverse City can be a lonely place to be when you are single and gay. There isn’t much up here to do socially but then again I’m not a very social person and I’m not really looking that hard for friends. I would much rather stay home and watch TV than put my self-esteem on the line trying to meet people. Don’t get my wrong, I like living up here 3000% better than Grand Rapids however I might have adjusted better if I had moved up here as a single person, at least I would have known and anticipated what I was getting into a little better. Oh well, hindsight is always 20/20.
So today, Gavin woke me up nice and early but I was able to watch the sun rise over Lake Leelanau. It’s been I think 2 years since I’ve spent the night out here. Now that I don’t live so close, coming out here finally feels like a mini-vacation again. Today I am going to clean out my car from all the sand that Gavin left in it last night and then drive up to Peterson Park. I want to try and get some orchard pictures today if I can find one where fruit is still on the trees. I noticed yesterday as I was taking Gavin for a walk up the hill at the Cottage that the apple trees that line Laskey Trail do not have fruit this year…or they did and someone has picked it all. Last year, they were covered in apples. This year, nothing. Could be it has been a bad year for pollination.
Well It’s time to get dressed now and start the day. I’ll be posting pictures tonight sometime.
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