Leelanau Whippersnapper

Today we got a pretty decent amount of snow and it’s DAMM cold up here in the northwoods.  I had another 12 hour work day and it was really somewhat frustrating.  Everyone knows that by the end of October, the tourists are gone and the only people left up here are the locals.  These are locals that live here all the time, have experienced winter many times up here and know exactly what a bitch they can be.  What I don’t understand is why everyone suddenly turns in to raging ASSHOLES when it starts to snow!!!  I get a few every day in the normal course of doing business.  That’s part of the job, it’s my primary job to suck it up and deal with it.  Tonight however I was REALLY done with it.  Part of my job is to operate a fork lift.  I am licensed, I had to take a written test and a driving test and it’s a job that I take seriously.  I am expected to be a safe driver, fully aware of my surroundings etc. etc.  So tonight I am pulling down some pallets of merchandise for my morning crew to work on and have about a 300lb payload dangling in the air.  Getting this pallet down from 30 feet in the air safely is my primary objective.  Out of thin air I hear at an incredible volume “EXCUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME”.  I crank my head, break my concentration and glare at the bitch who clearly could not see the 300lb pallet swinging in the air over her head…or she simply decided not to notice it.  She rambled on about something that she needed RIGHT NOW and it was all I could do to keep from flipping the fork around and dropping the pallet on this Witch.  Calmly but assertively and professionally, I explained to her that if she would wait 2 seconds while I safely put down my payload I could help her.  She wasn’t having it.  “I need help and I need it RIGHT NOW”.  I shot back, that she needed to find it elsewhere and that she had better get out of the way if she wanted to keep her toes.  “YOU NEED TO BACK AWAY FROM THIS MACHINE RIGHT NOW!” I informed her.  She stormed off huffing and puffing.  I’m not really sure if she got what she needed but I really don’t care.

MORAL OF THE STORY:  CUSTOMERS SHOULD NEVER OPERATE UNDER THE PRETENSE THAT THEY SHIT GOLD.  If you are shopping and need help, DON’T ask a person who is clearly trying to accomplish a task without killing someone unless you want to get seriously injured yourself and NEVER - EVER distract the operator of any heavy machinery from completing their task safely.  SIT ON YOUR ASS AND WAIT if you are too lazy to find someone else to help you.  You could easily be killed and there would be very little remorse on behalf of the driver if you were completely unwilling to even consider your own safety.

Now then, the remodel is finally done at work (finished tonight) and now it’s time to prepare for BLACK FRIDAY (another day of the year where people completely go insane).

Shit, if I hear “I’m goin huntin ta-nite” one more time, I’m going to strangle myself.  I know I can always look forward to opening day of deer season here in the northwoods.  Most of the jack asses will stay out of the store for a week or so while they sit in a tree and get drunk with a rifle.  It’s a culture thing, I’m a city boy and I always will be.  I held and fired a gun once in my life and that was in my early 20’s when I was at Spring Hill Ranch with the Grand Rapids Boychoir being a counselor.  Shot it once, gave it back and said never again.  I only got that far because the kids wouldn’t allow anything less.  I don’t like guns, I don’t like the imagined feeling of power it gives people (even when hunting) and I don’t think ANYONE holding a case of beer in one hand and a gun in the other should be free to roam around the woods.

Having said that, again, it’s a culture thing.  People hunt.  I get that.  People like it, I get that too.  What I don’t get is why I have to listen to their stories and grunt and grab my crotch to show my manly “understanding” of their world.  Just go and do your thing, thin out the deer population for 2 weeks and then come back to reality…meanwhile, leave me out of it.

We are getting some snow tonight in the northwoods.  Kind of nice being in the city now, I don’t have to fear for my life driving home from work any more.  I don’t miss that and I’m sure this winter will be much better on my sense of well being.  It never ceased to amaze me how crazy people up here drive in the snow…I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at the number of fatal accidents I hear about due to people out of control.

Looking forward to a day off on Tuesday (fingers crossed I don’t get screwed again this week at work).  I’m getting a little tired of covering a certain person’s ass all the time, I may need to flex my manager muscles and take care of the problem in an unpleasant way…if only we can get through the Holiday season first, I don’t have time right now to train new people.  Work is crazy at the moment, a big remodel going on and preparations for Black Friday are encroaching on what little free time I have.

Well off to bed now, another 12 hour day tomorrow…and it’s SUNDAY (again).

Wow, it’s been a long couple of days.  It’s been quite warm up here but it looks like we’ll be getting snow now this weekend.  I’m finally off for another weekend and boy I need the rest.  I think I’ll be sleeping in late tomorrow unless I happen to fall asleep very early tonight which is quite likely.  It’s been a zoo at work.  I’m always amazed at the human condition, especially in these parts.  People put off their projects until the very last second and then they completely overwhelm themselves with the amount of work they have left to do and hardly any time left in the season to do it.  I’ve sold a TON of exterior paints and stains this past week and I’ve had to make sure that me and all my employees were warning customers about what happens if you use these products when it is too cold or wet.  It won’t stop most of them from trying to get their projects done, the products will fail and they will be back next year to blame me for their inability to follow directions.  That’s the one thing that I’ve become very used to over the years working in retail.  It doesn’t matter how much information and education you give a customer, they STILL will not follow directions and it will STILL be MY fault when the product doesn’t work like they think it should.  Ya, you know we retail slaves own all the manufacturing plants of all the products we sell and are personally out there making this shit….it reminds me of my mom’s stories of her preschool age students when she was teaching, they all thought she lived at the school because she was a teacher there.  Children could not separate the profession from the person…much like the people I deal with daily can’t separate the salesman from the manufacturer.  Not much difference there folks.  Don’t be dweebs.

So all this shit going on at work and guess what happened on Thursday morning as I was on my way out the door 20 minutes before I had to be at work (I love living close to work now).  I HAD A FLAT TIRE!!!  As my car gets older I’m starting to lose my tolerance for some of this shit.  I replaced all 4 tires on my car 2 years ago and I’ve had 3 flat tires in since then.  Lucky for me I learned early in my life how to put on a spare tire and I did actually make it to work on time although screaming down the road at 55mph with a tiny spare tire is not exactly a safe thing to do.  Today, I spent 3 hours sitting in the waiting room at Discount Tire after I got out of work while they fixed my car.  I don’t blame all these tire problems direction on Discount Tire.  They have always treated me well and none of my flat tires have cost me a dime to have fixed (due to warranty).  Most of the issues have to do directly with the types of rims on my car which fuck up the tire and cause them to leak…sometimes very slow, sometimes quite quickly…of course I also work at a place the sells nails and screws which routinely end up in the parking lot…go figure.  What I don’t like however is the fact that going to Discount Tire is NEVER a short in and out trip.  Just like shopping at Meijer, I can always count on an excessive amount of time being spent waiting around.  So anyhow, I also had them fix a recall problem specific to my car, rotate my tires and balance them and get them all working correctly.  I should be good now through the winter.  The next project on that car is to have the brakes done.  That’s the other issue with this car, I’ve had the car about 6 or 7 years and I have had at least 4 brake jobs on it….not just brake pads..the whole dam rotors and everything.  Not cheap, I’m not likely to buy a Chevy Malibu again.

Finally a bit of good news before I sign off for the night.  I found out yesterday that I will get 10 paid days off this next year.  I’ve finally been with my company long enough that they feel I deserve 80 hours of vacation (rather than 40) so I get to take several long weekends this coming year and I am also planning another trip to Las Vegas at some point in the early spring (contingent on all the other bills being paid…yes, that means what I owe to you Mom and Dad).

I realize the election is over but I haven’t posted much in the way of offensive jackassery lately so here you go.

I have to admit, I am LOVING the fact that it does not take me all day to do yard work!  10 minutes to mow, 5 minutes to trim and wallah, I’m done!  I’m looking forward to a day off tomorrow.  Jirar is in town and while the details are sketchy (he’s not staying with me but with my former housemate), it appears that we are going to hit the casino tomorrow night.  I’ve only been to the new Turtle Creak Casino once.  They re-built the old casino and replaced it with a huge new one.  I was out driving around one afternoon and decided to go check it out.  I didn’t even gamble that time but for an Indian Casino, I was pretty impressed with the scale and atmosphere they’ve created.  I love to gamble…really I just love to play slots.  Yes, I know slots have HORRIBLE odds of winning however in the nearly 8 years I’ve been going to the 2 casino’s up here I’ve easily pulled about $10,000 out of those stupid machines.  It’s that ADD thing, the constant noise, games, things grabbing my attention in all directions.  I always have to be careful because I can get carried away but I’m actually pretty good at setting limits and walking out when I should.  I think it will be fun.

The situation is not improving with the cats.  The house stinks…it’s 50 degrees and I have all the windows open right now to air it out.  I’m still cleaning up pet poop and the steps I’ve taken to try and fix the problem have not been working.  I’m afraid the end might be near for their existence in this house.  I just can not afford to fuck up a house that I don’t own.  As I was telling Jirar, if this was my own place, I would not even consider getting rid of them.  However, I don’t see how I can keep this up and not land in some pretty deep trouble when it comes time to move out of here.

Work is really slowing down lately.  We are starting to see some Black Friday shit show up at the store.  It won’t be long before they are cramming low margin crap into the store so we can contribute to the mass chaos the day after Thanksgiving.  I am putting my assistant on morning duty this year.  I’ve had to open for the past 3 years and I’m ready for a break from that this year.  She wants to open anyhow so she will not go out and blow all her money shopping that morning.  Works for me since I don’t participate in that early morning bullshit, I can sleep in then come in to work and clean it all up.  It’s a bit of an odd store to be in that day, we are usually pretty slammed in the morning selling all the shit we normally don’t even carry but come noon, it empties out.  Not too many people out there purchasing drill presses and appliances, or paint for that matter.  I’m sure we’ll see pretty good traffic that weekend though.

Well I must go now and make dinner and finish my laundry.  Here’s another picture.

Is not at all common.  I’ve long contended that there are only 3 letters of the alphabet you need to know when you work in retail sales.  W..T..F.. WHAT THE FUCK!  This has been a strange fall so far.  I don’t know what the deal is but I had better luck in the summer dealing with the up-tight down-state people than I have had all fall now with the locals.  It seems the locals have all gone LOCO!  Half the time I think I continue in this line of work just becuase of the pure amusement I get from some of the dweebs that come in to shop at the store.

Now before I continue, anyone that knows me understands that while I am harshly judgmental to many people, I am never that way to their face.  It’s not my place to stand there and tell you that you’re a fool, it’s far more amusing to me for you to figure that out on your own (while I watch).  AND, while I do indeed come across (especially in this blog) as being a know-it-all smart-ass there are some things in life that even people with very little brain function can accomplish better than some of the people that I see every day.  Bathing is one of them.  Reading directions is another.

Today I had not one but two people ask me how to clean up after painting with latex paint.  Not at all an unfair question if the cans they were reading as they were asking the question had not said “EASY SOAP AND WATER CLEAN-UP!” in huge bold letters across the front.  I had another man ask me if he could safely seal his driveway if it was raining.  Where do these people come from?  COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!  This was also quite a day for correcting (or trying to) people’s poor color judgment.  People hate picking out colors for their paint.  They would much rather ask someone else to do it for them.  Experience however has created a rule in my department that we (employees) are NEVER to choose a color for a customer.  We can guide them and get them to the right pallet but it is up to THEM to choose the color.  Many times I play a little game with my customers who ask me to choose their color.  I will go and find the most HIDEOUS color they could imagine and then let them know that I think it’s a swell color for their paint.  This shuts them up REALLY quickly and they go back to choosing it themselves.  Folks, after all, YOU have to live with it and look at it everyday.  What do I care if your wall is a BABY SHIT GREEN!  Unfortunately, picking colors is far to arduous a task for many people who end up hating the color they picked out and without fail they come back to the store and bitch at ME becuase they made a poor choice.  It is amazing in retail how many different things I am blamed for.  From paint that these people think I personally made for them in the HUGE FUCKING FACTORY behind work to the wheels on the shopping carts that I’m supposed to have a spare of at my desk JUST for them.  I’m somewhat glad that technology is not as good as it could be just to spite these fuckers that blame me for their poor choices.  I tell them to look at the swatches and show me what color they think their paint should be and then I fix it so it looks like that.  Generally a 30 minute process.  Not fun when you have 15 people waiting for help and only 2 machines to accomplish this task….that’s the other thing I hate.  What ever happened to the virtue of being patient?  NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW….fuck you jack ass, go somewhere else and wait in line there.  We are 30 times faster and more accurate than our pathetic competition up here.  Take it or leave it!

OK I’m doing bitching.  Tomorrow is another Sunday and you all know how much I just LOVE Sunday as the scarasm drips off the sweat in my armpit (too descriptive?)  So, eventually I’ll get new photos uploaded, mabye tomorrow night after work.  Good Night!

A bit of a busy week at work for me!  We had our final inventory audit for the fiscal year and if I am nothing else, I am incredibly consistent.  We passed and I get my bonus.  Without saying too much, inventory audits are conducted as an incentive program and designed to help us keep stock levels in check, the shelves full, and the ordering system functioning.  Passing them means I am doing my job correctly.  There is still room for improvement but all said, my department is where it needs to be right now.

I am a little distressed lately about my cats.  When I last wrote about them, I had indicated that they were living here on a trial basis.  Unfortunately, neither KD or Pooh has been able to correct some of the problems they have using the litter box and I simply can not afford mentally or monetarily, to allow their behavior to continue.  KD has begun marking again and I’ve spent the last month picking up Pooh’s poop off the floor.  Neither animal appears to be unhealthy, both of them know how to use their box becuase I’ve watched them both use it to make sure, neither seems to be under any great deal of stress or anxiety.  I’ve spent hours on the web looking for solutions and I’ve found nothing that is helping.  Tomorrow I will set up a 3rd litter box and I am taking down the baby gate that shuts off their room.  I keep them in the back part of the condo when I am not here, I am wondering if Pooh poops on the floor because he can’t get to the box fast enough.  By removing that barrier (which he has to jump over first to get to the box) perhaps this will reduce the problem.

It’s sad because up until last year, both of these cats had been great animals.  Jirar and I never had one ounce of problems with either of them.  Then, with Jirar leaving, a new roommate and the addition of another cat as well as easy access to the outside yard, both of these cats behaviors changed dramatically.  For fear of insulting the spy’s who read this blog, I won’t interject my opinion as to why my cats are now unable to cope with themselves.  I am willing to go 3-4 more weeks maximum trying to change their behavior.  If there are no improvements, I will be taking them to the humane society or I will attempt to find them a new home.  While I treat them like my children, they are in fact NOT children, they are pets.  Not expendable by any means but pets are bread to conform to the needs of humans, not the other way around.  I don’t have unlimited resources to fix the problems they are creating.

Tomorrow is a day off for me.  I think I will go out to the cottage with Gavin and perhaps spend some time on the boat.  It is supposed to be quite nice, it might be one of the last good days for boating this season.  Cheers!

What gloomy weekend.  Fall is fast on it’s way up here in redneck land.  It’s stayed pretty much in the 60’s for the past week, a bit of a warm up on the way this week but I think we are past the 80 degree days.  Had a pretty nice weekend.  I spent an ungodly amount of money on groceries Friday, didn’t get much for my money either.  I don’t tend to go grocery shopping more than once a month or so.  I’m pretty content with boxed dinners and Peanut Butter.  Had a really nice birthday dinner at the folks house on Saturday.  Burgers and sweet corn and of course Chocolate Eclair.  Gavin was less than enthusiastic about having to spend most of the day indoors.  Rain sucks.  Today was movie day for me at my house.  I decided that since it was shitty outside I was just going to lay around and relax.  I don’t get much of a chance to do that and now that my cable is working property I can watch TV without getting pissed off.  Today I watched the Wizard of Oz on DVD.  I’ve got the anniversary edition of the DVD.  I get a kick out of that movie.  I suppose it has more to do with innuendo than with the story line.  After all, I am a friend of Dorothy (if you’re gay you’ll get that..if not, ask yourself if it would be at all possible for the Scarecrow, The Tin Man, and the Lion to be in any way heterosexual).

Tonight I watched Philadelphia.  I remember the first time I saw that movie at Studio 28 in Grand Rapids.  I had only just “come out”, I was a senior in high school.  My generation was the first that grew up knowing what AIDS and HIV was.  The movie takes place prior to the public’s general knowledge of HIV but it really hits on the homophobia that still exists in society today.  HIV no longer has behavioral stigma attached to it but it is still ravaging parts of the world where ignorance and lack of education are the norm.  This movie is, I think, Tom Hanks best performance in any film he’s been in.  I love Tom Hanks in general.  One of the most moving aspects of the movie is the soundtrack.  In particular La Momma Morta.  Click it and listen to the passion, watch the movie and learn what the Italian means.

So now it’s off to bed so tomorrow I can start another week at work.  I have a lot to get done this week.  I am expecting a visitor from the head office and there are lots of projects to get finished up.  Things are slowing down and that’s a good thing for now but the work never ends.

Wow, it’s getting cool up here in red neck land.  I’m finally enjoying a day off from work and getting ready to head out to the parents house for a day on the lake.  Not that I’ll be swimming but I know Gavin will be.  I decided it was time to mow my lawn this morning.  Took me about 10 minutes with this great little electric lawn mower my landlord left me.  What a contrast.  At my former house, I would have to plan an entire day around doing yard work.  It would take a minimum of 4 hours JUST to mow the lawn, then there was trimming and watering and everything else.  It was exhausting and HOT.  Thank god I no longer have to worry about that.  Even better, once it snows, I don’t even have to worry about plowing.  It’s going to be done for me!  YEH!!!

I had to go to the Secretary of State this morning and renew my drivers license and also change my voter registration.  It never ceases to amaze me how busy that office is and how rude the clerks are.  I guess when you work for the state you have some sort of license to be a shit head.  Oh well, my new license is in the mail and within a couple weeks I’ll have my voter registration back in the mail so I can vote in the election this fall.  Without question it will be for Obama.  At one time in my life I called myself a conservative but I have never voted for a republican.  As I get older, it’s easier to see just how fucked up the world really is, the republican party to me is a party that is terrified of change, espouses hypocritical “family values” (Nice to see that abstinence only education worked wonders with Palen’s daughter…NOT), rules with heavy handed and unnecessary laws, spends uncontrollably, has NO concept what-so-ever of science, and is led by these righteous wing nut theocrats who really believe they are doing the work of Jesus fucking Christ.  Sorry folks, JESUS WAS A LIBERAL.

OK enough politics…it makes me crazy.  Gonna pack up the camera and the dog now and head out to Leelanau.  Maybe another post tonight with some new pictures!

Well you all know that I hate Sundays.  Today was another one of those.  Add to this that I’ve been working non-stop now for 8 days in a row without a day off but I’ve also been working 10 to 12 hour days.  Do the math, by tomorrow at noon when I will finally be set free from work for a day, I will have worked 96 hours over a span of 9 days give or take a little.  To say the least, I am exhausted and all I want to do is sleep.  Of course here I am writing in my blog.  Oh well.  I think Gavin is a little pissed at me right now…I need to get him out to the cottage on Tuesday so he can run around for a while.  Poor guy has been stuck in this house doing nothing all day but sleeping.  While he seems to enjoy that, I need to get his blood moving so he at least stays healthy.

Today really felt like fall up here.  Partly cloudy, low 60’s and tonight it rained.  It smelled like fall.  We are now into September and in reality, this is my favorite time of year, especially up here.  The colors, the smells, they are all things that make me happy and I need some of that for a whole variety of reasons.  It’s not terribly easy to move on with your life in a town where your friends are also your co-workers.  The one thing I regret about working in retail is that it consumes VAST amounts of personal time from me.  Meeting new people has always been quite a challenge for me, when it comes to personal relationships and friendships I am really quite shy and having the option now of meeting new people presents all kinds of challenges that at one time I never thought I would need to worry about again.  Change is good though, and so are life’s challenges.  They always present the opportunity for personal growth even when you are too exhausted to try very hard.

Looks like I will have the weekend of my birthday off this year.  Going to be 34…that’s right THIRTY FUCKING FOUR!  I’m just 6 short years away from being labeled as an old man…over the hill…well maybe not.  I don’t feel old, I don’t look old although I’ve noticed a multitude of white hair on my head lately (time for a haircut), so I guess I’m not then.  Maybe I can try to convince mom to once again make Chocolate Eclair dessert for my birthday…along with burgers and cheesy potatoes….and maybe some sweet corn on the cob with a side of apple sauce served out of a little plastic cup…  I think I’ve requested that dam chocolate eclair every year now since junior high.  I remember at one time it was always carrot cake… better save that one for Thanksgiving.

OK, off to bed now, up tomorrow very early and off work at noon for a much needed day of rest and relaxation.  I have to post this picture here of nephew Christopher.  Its very cute, this child (and of course any additional children) is going to be so spoiled.  What a lucky kid.

Tomorrow (Saturday) I get to wake up at 4am due to my inability to be an asshole to my team members.  It’s a holiday weekend.  NOBODY wants to work but you know, we retail slaves are open for business JUST FOR YOU on a holiday so you can stain your fucking deck [incorrectly].  Well since I had nobody else to work, I took the early shift where I will have the pleasure of stocking shelves for 2 hours in the morning before the store opens.  At least I won’t have to stick around once the doors open.  I hate Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends up here.  The lunatics REALLY come out of the woodwork around here.  Had a guy spill a full gallon of stain all over the floor and then literally run away leaving foot prints all the way across the store to the exit doors.  Spills happen folks, don’t embarrass yourself any more by running away, how about if I give you a FUCKING paper towel?  No?  I guess not.  Enough about work.

I’ve received all my bills now for my new place except for my water bill (I suspect that is a quarterly bill here).  Looks like Gas and Electric combined will be under $65 a month.  My cable (which STILL is not working right) and internet will be my most expensive bills.  I’ll take it, I use those two utilities more than any of the other ones.  So, it looks like when I add up ALL my bills (debts, utilities, rent, gas money, food, and random shit) I can live for less than what I was paying just in rent before.  I might even be able to get that retirement account going this year…I need a few months though to make sure I have a reliable percentage I can sacrifice each week.  Just having arrived to a point in my life where I am not living paycheck to paycheck, I’d like to actually enjoy it for a minute.

The pets are adjusting fine to the new condo.  I do have to separate them however when I leave for the day.  It seems that Gavin is just too dam smart for his own good.  2 baby gates and a door he could never slide through has not been enough to keep him out of the cat food.  Fortunately, my condo is set up nicely so that I can separate the cats in the back and dog in the front and everyone has all kinds of room to sleep all day long.  Like the pets, I am really liking it here.  I still have a ton of unpacking and sorting to do but I am taking my time now since everything I really need is in its place, now it’s just the little shit I have to find places for.  Soon it will be time to start thinking about decorating for Christmas (yes, my retail mind thinks Christmas starts in September).  I’m looking forward to seeing what I can do.

OK, well off to bed now so I can actually get out of bed in the morning. Here is a picture of a VERY tired Gavin on the last day of my “residency” in Leelanau.  We just finished playing fetch.