Some things take a long time
Wed ,24/03/2010I don’t usually write much about kids. Honestly I just don’t have that much interest but once in a while there are things that come up that deserve to be written about, one of which has had national media attention, the other might in only a matter of days. This is about High School Proms. Yes, that tragic event that occurs once in a kids life and hopefully not more than that where they awkwardly go out to dinner at a restaurant they can’t afford, buy flowers for their dates that they can’t figure out how to put on, dance to music that they don’t like, and eventually leave and go off to some after-party that is always far more interesting than the prom. This year has been a little special and it has to do with gay kids.
First: Mississippi Prom Canceled after Lesbian’s Date Request – From USA today and nearly every other national Media outlet in the country. This is a story about Constance McMillan of a small town in Mississippi that sought to bring her date, another girl, to the prom so she could be uncomfortable at the prom right along with everyone else. The school board ended up denying her request and also, canceled the prom entirely to avoid having to allow her to bring her date. Their position was that she was quite allowed to attend, just not with another woman. With the FULL support of her parents, She and the ACLU sued the school board and yesterday a Federal judge ruled that Constance’s civil rights were violated and the school board acted inappropriately. During all of this parents organized a “private” prom since the school was no longer going to have one. Guess what, Constance was not invited. This story is not over and you’ll hear more about it.
Second: Derrik Martin GOT the OK to bring his boyfriend to his prom in a little town in Georgia, the school board not really even discuss the matter only saying that they had no policy against it. How did Derrick’s parents react to the news? They swiftly kicked him out of the house.
There is one thing that I want to focus on here in both of these stories and that is the parents. EVEN in 2010, parents all over this country continue to forcefully kick their children out of their house because their child had the self-confidence and courage to come out of the closet. I bet you didn’t know that one of the largest groups of homeless youth’s are GLBT kids. Throughout my life I have met a number of people who have not spoken to their parents since high school because their parents could not deal with their sexuality. It really troubles me that this 18 year old senior, who is an honors student and already has a scholarship to a university in the fall now has to prepare for the next phase of his life with no support from his parents. On the other hand Constance will not have the same issue. She also is 18, an honors student and headed to collage in the fall with the full support and encouragement from her parents. It should bother EVERYONE reading this blog when this sort of thing occurs.
I was pretty fortunate. While I’m sure that my parents had to make adjustments in their thinking when I came out to them and I know that each of them had various concerns, not once did I ever have to deal with any of the coming out process without their support. Coming Out is a big deal, especially for a teenager. 50 years from now it might not be but even today, it still is. Those of you that are straight will NEVER fully appreciate what it takes and what it means to come out and I say that with all due respect, it is simply not something you will ever experience. I was 17 or 18 and I had written a lengthy letter through which I came out to my parents. I spent a good 2 months writing that letter, and re-writing it and during that time I had built my own alliances with my friends in case things went the wrong way once I came up with the courage to give my parents that letter. I had a place to stay if I had needed it, I had a support group of people outside of my own family if I needed it. Well, I never needed to utilize any of that because while it did take some getting used to, my sexuality did not define my existence to my parents. It was not a simple process for any of us but it was not an issue that would end our relationship or traumatize it beyond repair. I was still their son and especially as a minor, they still understood that they had an obligation to put up with me until I was at least 18 or until I got out of high school. They of course continued long after that and continue to support me today. Derrick is never going to have that sort of support from his parents and he’s at an age when honestly he might need it the most. I know that was the case for me, I needed my parents more after high school than during it it seems. His relationship has fundamentally changed because his parents are unable to accept their son for who he is. It’s sad and it should upset you to know that this STILL occurs in this country in 2010.
So, the next time you are talking amongst your friends and one of them tells you they just kicked their kid out of the house because he was a queer and well Jebus just don’t like them queers you know, think long and hard about will happen to that kid and why your friend suddenly doesn’t love him or her anymore. It should make you really question that friendship.
